Post by Zack on Dec 6, 2006 18:22:26 GMT -5
Hi. I'm kholdstaire. And you haven't seen me in a while.
At least not more than once a week.
Since everyone has been wondering, including the staff who only know part of the story, I will give you all the reasoning for my extended absence (AND NO IT IS NOT BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WORK ON THE PROJECT ANYMORE!!!)
I will work this all out in numbered stuff paragraph things because I am bad at uh, organization? Yeah, that's it.
1 - Since the revival of the project late in the summer up until early November, this forum and the projects herein were all I did. I went to class, took some notes, then spent a lot of time brainstorming for the projects. I'd stay at the library and work for a few hours just on drawing up some new monsters, or a map, or come up with movepools and such.
Well, it got to the point where I wanted to vomit at just the thought of Pokemon.
I had to take a breather. I only intended on a 10 day break, just to get out, but then some other things came into play...
2 - Ragnarok. Somehow, I got interested in trying Ragnarok again, and I got addicted to it for about 3 days, and now I'm on and off with it.
Now, think not for a moment that Ragnarok made me forget about this site. In fact, I had been pulling ideas from Ragnarok to apply to our projects (one of which I've already unveiled here). I also was getting mapping ideas, since Ragnarok has tons of maps and dungeons. While none of them have any real puzzles (besides maybe the Clock Tower and similar areas with "which area does this warp take me" bs), just the layouts and such.
3 - Meds. Yeah, for those of you who are in the dark, I am in fact bipolar. And for a while, my medication has not been doing the trick. To put it simply, and as my counselor said, I've "adapted" to it. So, I've had to get a larger dose. I was on and off the medication for a couple weeks, and therefore VERY on and off with what interested me. For a couple days I was all about drawing, then the next day I was liek "wtf, fuck drawing" and it has been like that for a while, but now I'm back in the "hey lets work on Pokemon" groove, and I'm sure its here to stay.
4 - Family. I think all of you can relate here in some way shape or form. Only, well, mine is a bit more complicated than most.
Being bipolar, and having parents that don't seem to 100% comprehend the illness, I basically have to deal with them getting on my ass as if I was a perfectly mentally healthy and stable person, which I am not. It bothered me (and still does) that my dad is so motherfucking adamant about me going to counseling, yet when issues pop up that would have any sort of relevancy to the symptoms of being bipolar (lacking motivation, manic periods, aggressive mood swings, etc), he calls them excuses and ra ra ra, blagh blagh blagh, I don't get it. I thought it rather pointless that I go if he doesn't take any of it into consideration, because he just doesn't fucking get it. And what's worse, he'll continually ask questions, won't like the reply, and gets mad. So when I don't want to reply, and tell him that whatever I say will make him mad, he gets mad anyway, so I really have no way to win.
In short, my parents are a huge stressor.
Unemployed and "this close to finding a new place to live", I've had life matters to take care of.
Now, to finish this wall of text, I'm thinking I'm in a better position to lead the site, so I look forward to seeing you guys ^____________^
Post in this thread with links to stuff I should see, and also, CM, you should give an update on your work in here as well, pl0x.
At least not more than once a week.
Since everyone has been wondering, including the staff who only know part of the story, I will give you all the reasoning for my extended absence (AND NO IT IS NOT BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WORK ON THE PROJECT ANYMORE!!!)
I will work this all out in numbered stuff paragraph things because I am bad at uh, organization? Yeah, that's it.
1 - Since the revival of the project late in the summer up until early November, this forum and the projects herein were all I did. I went to class, took some notes, then spent a lot of time brainstorming for the projects. I'd stay at the library and work for a few hours just on drawing up some new monsters, or a map, or come up with movepools and such.
Well, it got to the point where I wanted to vomit at just the thought of Pokemon.
I had to take a breather. I only intended on a 10 day break, just to get out, but then some other things came into play...
2 - Ragnarok. Somehow, I got interested in trying Ragnarok again, and I got addicted to it for about 3 days, and now I'm on and off with it.
Now, think not for a moment that Ragnarok made me forget about this site. In fact, I had been pulling ideas from Ragnarok to apply to our projects (one of which I've already unveiled here). I also was getting mapping ideas, since Ragnarok has tons of maps and dungeons. While none of them have any real puzzles (besides maybe the Clock Tower and similar areas with "which area does this warp take me" bs), just the layouts and such.
3 - Meds. Yeah, for those of you who are in the dark, I am in fact bipolar. And for a while, my medication has not been doing the trick. To put it simply, and as my counselor said, I've "adapted" to it. So, I've had to get a larger dose. I was on and off the medication for a couple weeks, and therefore VERY on and off with what interested me. For a couple days I was all about drawing, then the next day I was liek "wtf, fuck drawing" and it has been like that for a while, but now I'm back in the "hey lets work on Pokemon" groove, and I'm sure its here to stay.
4 - Family. I think all of you can relate here in some way shape or form. Only, well, mine is a bit more complicated than most.
Being bipolar, and having parents that don't seem to 100% comprehend the illness, I basically have to deal with them getting on my ass as if I was a perfectly mentally healthy and stable person, which I am not. It bothered me (and still does) that my dad is so motherfucking adamant about me going to counseling, yet when issues pop up that would have any sort of relevancy to the symptoms of being bipolar (lacking motivation, manic periods, aggressive mood swings, etc), he calls them excuses and ra ra ra, blagh blagh blagh, I don't get it. I thought it rather pointless that I go if he doesn't take any of it into consideration, because he just doesn't fucking get it. And what's worse, he'll continually ask questions, won't like the reply, and gets mad. So when I don't want to reply, and tell him that whatever I say will make him mad, he gets mad anyway, so I really have no way to win.
In short, my parents are a huge stressor.
Unemployed and "this close to finding a new place to live", I've had life matters to take care of.
Now, to finish this wall of text, I'm thinking I'm in a better position to lead the site, so I look forward to seeing you guys ^____________^
Post in this thread with links to stuff I should see, and also, CM, you should give an update on your work in here as well, pl0x.
