Snak
I seem to be straightening up 
^#moderator (TESTING)
Posts: 225
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Post by Snak on Nov 12, 2006 22:51:00 GMT -5
Please sticky this. Thanks in advance.
Thought it might be a good idea to start a single 'official' thread for posting jokes. If you have a joke to post, feel free to post it here, one joke per post.
Feedback on jokes in this thread is also welcome.
I'll start us off with a famous joke which everyone's probably heard before - but here it is again anyway
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Feeling the need for relaxation after the events of "The Red-Headed League", Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson," he said, "look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Sleepily, Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"And what does that tell you?"
Watson pondered this a moment. "Astronomically," he said, "it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
Taking Holmes's silence as approval, Watson continued with growing confidence, "Theologically I can see that the Lord is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
He paused, and looked over at the Great Detective. "So, Holmes, what does it tell you?"
Holmes shook his head in disgust. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
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Snak
I seem to be straightening up
^#moderator (TESTING)
Posts: 225
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Post by Snak on Nov 12, 2006 22:58:50 GMT -5
Ooooo. I got another good one.
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy cow," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I
wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics , religion, sports,
physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants
me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational!! He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, is insightful. It even watches the footie with him!!! The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst,"
and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie….got down on his knees and began kissing her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Fucked if I know…I got an erection and fell off my perch!"
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gun6
Staff 
^#Artist#Contributor
One year younger than my profile says.
Posts: 209
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Post by gun6 on Nov 12, 2006 23:30:22 GMT -5
Why yes I do, Snak. Haha. There's my joke for the day.
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Okashi
Moderator 
Happy Birthday DH and DH^#Moderator#Contributor
That's some good Jumpluff
Posts: 101
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Post by Okashi on Nov 13, 2006 20:53:38 GMT -5
I am a moderator so I can say something and you must all laugh or else I can edit your posts. LAUGH DANGIT.
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Post by CactusMaster on Nov 13, 2006 21:41:57 GMT -5
I am a moderator so I can say something and you must all laugh or else I can edit your posts. LAUGH DANGIT. ... not lol? |
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Snak
I seem to be straightening up
^#moderator (TESTING)
Posts: 225
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Post by Snak on Nov 14, 2006 12:43:36 GMT -5
I am a moderator so I can say something and you must all laugh or else I can edit your posts. LAUGH DANGIT. But that's not a joke. Tell a joke. Something funny. Don't abuse your powers. You have a great responsibilty. Don't let it down. ANOTHER JOKE!!! I was having trouble with my computer, so I called the computer guy over to my desk. He clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And he replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error." "What's an ID Ten T Error, in case I need to fix it again?" He grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." I wrote: I D 1 0 T |
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Snak
I seem to be straightening up
^#moderator (TESTING)
Posts: 225
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Post by Snak on Nov 14, 2006 12:47:40 GMT -5
THIS SHOULD END ALL 3 BEAR STORIES
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!", he squeaks.
Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!," he roars.
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Christ's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots?"
"It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the damn table, it was Momma Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time.
I HAVEN'T MADE THE FUCKING PORRIDGE YET !!"
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Post by CactusMaster on Nov 15, 2006 19:23:16 GMT -5
Ah, that explains why that little kid was calling me what sounded like an "Idy-Tenty". -_-
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Snak
I seem to be straightening up
^#moderator (TESTING)
Posts: 225
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Post by Snak on Nov 15, 2006 20:36:52 GMT -5
When did that happen lol?
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